~Honest Moments~
BPOV
Seconds pass into minutes.
My head's dizzy and my heart's racing.
I'm being kissed so slowly, so tenderly. I feel like Sleeping Beauty, her prince's kiss of true love awakening her from her spell.
He places his hands on both sides of my jaw, his fingers lingering and soothing the skin of my neck under my ears, his thumbs faintly rubbing back and forth high on my cheeks.
Our bodies close the distance in between as we sit more upright in our embrace, no longer slumped against the wall.
It's so intense. I'm melting in the moment. I feel like he's seeping into me from every direction.
Our mouths move together as if we've rehearsed this before, like we know exactly when to tug, when to nibble, when to suck.
It's beautiful. It's comforting. It feels like home.
Perfection.
I'm kissing Edward and he's kissing me back. Nobody's getting rough. We're not all tongues and teeth and breathless assault.
We're just…sympatico.
I don't even know how we got here.
All I remember is questioning him about a picture from our past and the next thing I know, we're sitting on the floor with our backs against the door, whispering words and looking deeply into each other's eyes...and it leads to this.
I allow myself to get lost in this moment and pretend that this man is truly mine.
His soft lips coax mine to come out and play with his.
The cinnaminty taste of his tongue and breath.
His fingers continue to glide along my face and neck, telegraphing the sincerity of the moment.
I'm kissing Edward.
Edward.
Somebody else's fiancé.
Reality settles in and reminds me where I am and most of all, who I am.
I'm not that girl. I simply won't be.
This man isn't mine and I need to stop pretending.
I pull back from his gentle hold on my head and open my eyes, wishing I didn't have to end the moment, but knowing that I must.
"That was definitely not what I came here for," I whisper, "on top of it being completely inappropriate, I'm sorry." I shamefully turn away from him.
"I'm not."
What?
I whip my head back to look at him, feeling totally perplexed.
"Yes, maybe it wasn't right for me Edward, the boss, to kiss you, Bella, my employee. But I won't ever be sorry we kissed."
"Yeah, but beyond the boss/employee thing, you're engaged…or did you forget?" I question, eyebrows raised, completely stumped by his response.
"I didn't forget," he sighs and it's his turn to look away.
"Well, I didn't either. We shouldn't have done that." I gather my legs under me to stand up and start pacing, trying not to panic…but enclosed spaces don't make me feel all warm and fuzzy, I think it stirs inside some residual anxiety I have since the car accident. I wasn't coherent at the time, but to know that I was trapped for a while that night…I just feel a little unsettled right now.
"Bella—, look, it's really freakin' late. I've had a bitch of a day and it seems that you've had quite a day, yourself. I'm not gonna hold you accountable for what just happened. I got lost in the moment and allowed it to happen."
I look down at Edward still sitting on the floor. Long legs extended out in front as he digs and rubs his fingers in his eyes, his frustration evident.
"So, what are we gonna do?" I ask, hands on my hips. I need to get myself centered again. I came here looking for answers. Seems I've already gotten more than I bargained for.
"Do about what? That's a pretty loaded question. For starters, we're stuck here. No door handles, no phones, nobody upstairs and nobody coming back for at least five hours. We're gonna have to make the best of it."
 |
| Making the best of it, trapped for the night. |
He laughs through his nose at my apparently ludicrous question. "Yeah, we'll survive. This isn't an episode of 'Alias'. The cellar isn't vacuum-sealed where the oxygen gets sucked out every time the door closes. There are cooling units that keep the temperature regulated, especially with the humid Jersey summer already starting to beat down on us. We need to keep it at about 55 degrees. If anything, we're gonna get pretty cold. But—!"
He stops mid-sentence and his eyes get wide as he leaps up from his spot on the floor like a man on a mission. I watch him cross the floor and search a bit. Next thing I know, he produces a large storage bin he found tucked behind one of the many wine racks.
"Aha! I knew I loved Katie for a reason. We're in luck! Think fast!"
He tosses me what looks like a new, dark green blanket that I catch with both hands. I unwrap it from its packaging and drape it around my shoulders, definitely feeling the chill in the air. Only wearing a ribbed tank top and denim short shorts, I'm completely underdressed for this dip in temperature.
"The last time I did a major inventory was right before the winter holidays. Kate stayed with me until four in the morning to help and she kept complaining how cold she was. On her next shift, she came in with this blanket and told me she was storing it down here for the next time I forced her to 'freeze her tushie off', her words, not mine." He punctuates his story with a crooked smile and a shake of his head.
"Well, thanks. And I'll make sure to thank Kate the next time I see her."
"You're welcome, but wait, it gets better! Check it out!" Out of the bin, he pulls a large black sweatshirt that says Last Call Bar & Grill with the address and a screen printed picture of a beer mug and a martini glass.
"You're kidding! Those are fantastic!"
"Yeah, James thought it would be a good idea to sell them to help with advertising, so he had a boatload of t-shirts and sweatshirts made last year for our first summer. You've seen them pinned on the wall upstairs, but I'll give you the employee discount considering our circumstances tonight," he adds with a smile. "Hmm, we only have big sizes though."
"I don't mind. Beggars can't be choosers and nobody wants a tight sweatshirt anyway. The whole point is loose comfort. A large is fine for me."
He tosses me the sweatshirt and pulls one out for himself as well, and yanks it over his head.
I do the same and then settle back into my original position on the floor, with my back holding up the wall.
"So, now that I know we aren't going to become Edward and Bella-sicles due to frigid temperatures, nor are we going to die of asphyxiation…can we talk?" I ask hopefully, and then add, "Starting with why you lied?"
Edward holds eye contact with me and releases a deep breath.
He sits down on a couple of stacked crates and runs his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit of his I noticed almost right after I started working here.
"Okay, what's on your mind?"
"Honestly? I wanna know everything, Edward. Everything you can tell me about what you know of me, who I was, who my friends were, what I did, how I acted. But most of all, this picture is speaking volumes to me right now. You lied to me." I hold it up for emphasis again. "I mean, were we together? Like boyfriend-girlfriend?"
He raises his eyebrows in response, "Yes and no."
"Oh, well that's mighty helpful. Care to decode that for me, oh mighty Magic 8 Ball?" I snark back with a roll of my eyes.
Crossing the floor back to where I'm huddled under the toasty-warm blanket, he snickers at my attempt at levity. He takes a seat next to me, exactly where we were moments ago, but the mood has shifted and I no longer worry that one or both of us will cross a line.
Although on the whole I'm still pissed that Edward wasn't honest about how he knew me when we first addressed this topic weeks ago, my attitude has softened and I'm eager to move beyond it for now. Being stuck in a room together for the night has shifted the dynamic between us to a much more familiar place. We've established this semi-fun banter with each other and I've put that sensational kiss that we shared on a shelf to deal with later. It was phenomenal but if I dwell on it right now, I won't be able to focus on the details that Edward might be ready to share with me.
He starts speaking out to the room, not facing me, but making it more of an announcement. I won't be picky. He's talking…that's all that matters right now. "If you were to ask me if you were my girlfriend on the night this picture was taken, I would have told you 'yes'. But we had just gotten together a couple of weeks prior, and we weren't involved that much longer, maybe only another week or two."
Yikes. I seem to be the queen of short-lived romances. I pray that's not a pattern I'll continue.
"Wow. Okay. Wanna share why we stopped so abruptly? Or better yet, start with explaining how we got together in the first place?"
"Is there a door number three I could choose, Monty?" he requests with a hopeful half-smile, still not looking me in the face.
I shove shoulders with him. "Shut up," I add with a slight giggle, "No door number three. Answer the question…and please start at the beginning and DON'T leave out any good stuff." I raise my eyebrows to punctuate my sentiments.
This guy has a piece, actually, it sounds more like a handful of pieces, to my life puzzle. I'm ready to play. I've been ready for years.
A silly thought crosses my mind; I wish I had popcorn to munch on while listening to Edward reveal our story. If he's avoided it for this long, it must be a juicy one!
"You're right. We knew each other well beyond just one night at a party where I saw you dance, although that did happen. Exactly as I said. And…you really were spectacular. Please know that." He looks directly in my eyes so that I can see the sincerity in his words.
"I believe you." I offer, honestly.
"Good," he nods in response. "So uh, I guess I should start by saying that this all took place in Ocean City. Do you remember ever vacationing there? Maybe as a young girl…back during the times you can recall?"
"No. I really don't remember Ocean City at all. All I remember is coming here to Loveladies as a child. My aunt and uncle had their house since my dad was a kid. But I take it that I did go to Ocean City as a teenager?"
It feels so weird asking questions to somebody other than Aunt Didi. And somebody who isn't just going to theorize or give his best guess. Edward has answers. LOTS of answers. This is a dream come true…a fervent prayer, about to be granted.
"Yeah. We first met in, uhhh, two-thousand...three, I believe? Yeah, summer of oh-three. I had spent the previous summer working as a bus boy at the Flander's Restaurant and as a pool boy for a few shifts a week. Then, the following summer I was promoted to working the cabanas. I was your cabana boy."
He was what? I can't stop the giggles from erupting.
"Hey! What's so funny?" He questions, looking surprised.
"You were my cabana boy? I had a cabana boy? What? Was I starring in Desperate Housewives of Ocean City?"
Edward starts chuckling along with me. His eyes get those crow's feet crinkles around them when he laughs and smiles…I sorta-kinda love those crinkles.
"Bella, you were fourteen, you were not a housewife. But yes, your family rented a cabana every summer from Memorial Day to Labor Day. And you stayed in one of the penthouse suites in the hotel as well."
"Jeez. My parents sure knew how to throw their money around. Penthouse, huh?"
"Penthouse." He repeats with finality.
"Okay, what else, Mr. Cabana Boy? So we met when I was fourteen and you were seventeen."
"Well, I was technically sixteen when we first met, and a few weeks later I turned seventeen.
"So tell me! What happened? Did you see me across a crowded pool, dive in, swim to the other end and pledge your undying love to me?" I add with a melodramatic clasping of my hands near my heart.
He smiles and looks away. "No, not quite. I had to play it cool." He suavely pretends to uncuff his imaginary collar. "I had a rep to protect! Couldn't let you know just how interested I was at first!"
Smirky bugger. Damn it, why are you so cute right now?
"Ahhh, so you played 'hard to get' didja? Okay, so spill…how long did you hold out before you decided I was irresistible?"
"About four hours," he delivers with a straight face.
I burst out laughing at his candidness.
"Four hours, huh? I must've been salivating by then, too! How did I keep myself occupied while you were off torturing me with your wily cabana boy ways?"
"Torturing YOU? You're delusional! You were lying there on one of the deck lounges with suntan oil all over your string bikini-clad body, which by the way was one of the tiniest scraps of material I've ever seen. Every time I passed by, I got a whiff of coconut. You were killing me with your tropical scent and your vixen smile!"
"Vixen, Edward? Really? At fourteen?" I laugh.
"Okay, maybe you weren't a vixen at that point in our history, but I knew I was in trouble all the same," he delivers grinning, huffing through his nose.
I return his smile and look down. I'm glad we're joking about this and being silly with one another. It's probably a good thing that I don't remember what happened. With my newfound glimpses of how great a person he is, I'm sure I was heartbroken back then. He probably didn't even bat an eye. I sigh and look back up at him.
"Where did you go just then? We were having fun and then you got quiet," he's whispering again.
"I was just thinking that maybe it's better I don't remember our quickie relationship. From what I know of you, I imagine I had to be pretty damn torn up after we were through," I shrug.
He stares at me, not knowing how to proceed, it seems. I try for levity again.
"So tell me the story of us…however short it may be."
"Well, your family moved into the hotel that Friday morning of Memorial Day Weekend. You came down to the pool while your parents were upstairs unpacking and you asked which cabana was yours…my manager found me at the same time, and asked me to escort you there and show you around a bit.
"We talked some, and laughed. You were kinda shy but funny. I gave you the lowdown on the cabana, how to work the TV and the quirky sink. You were already in your bathing suit and eager to lay out by the pool.
"So, I led you to the pool deck to help you get set up for the day and asked if you wanted a drink. I remember you asked for a Sprite. I went into the hotel bar to grab it for you, but then I decided to take a chance and make you something different, something that reminded me of you, so to speak. So, I spiced up your order and brought you a—"
"Shirley Temple with three extra cherries?"
"Yeah," he smiles, glancing back at me.
God, those never-ending eyelashes of his…they may be the death of me.
"What was it about me that reminded you of that drink?"
He pauses thoughtfully and grins again, "The clear soda made me think of your pure, creamy skin. And then the pinkish red of the Grenadine flowing into the clear carbonation looked like the transition to when you blushed, your skin tone flushes pink and into red. Your cheeks were positively rosy, so those accounted for the two cherries."
"And the third?" I ask getting swept up in the moment of sweetness.
"For good luck," he adds with a small smile and a shrug. "My parents have always been believers in the good luck of threes. It just popped into my head at that moment and I ran with it."
Edward and I lock eyes again, a hint of a smile playing on both of our lips, but I'm determined not to lean in for a kiss. It was an inappropriate mistake, the earlier transgression. I can't let it happen again.
"So YOU'RE the reason I came to love Shirley Temples with three extra cherries, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess I am," he nods, playing with the lace on his sneaker.
"Well anyway, you loved the drink. Personally, I think it hooked you on the awesomeness of me!" He looks at me with a grin and I return his smile with a silly shake of my head. "And at the end of your day of relaxing by the pool, you asked if I wanted to hang out on the boardwalk that night."
My mouth drops open in amazement.
"I asked a hot, almost-seventeen year old guy on a date? Wow! I was ballsy, wasn't I?" I have to laugh at that news…I can't imagine being that bold nowadays.
He chuckles, "Nah, not ballsy, confident. As well you should've been, Bella." His voice softens and he looks directly at me, "Even though things ultimately didn't work out between us, you were always a pretty amazing girl."
I'm looking down, picking at my fingernails and distracting myself from his momentary flattery. I huff through my nose at his use of the verb. "Were," I repeat aloud.
I chance a peek his way and am met with his dead-on stare.
"Are."
I switch gears to get back on track. These meaningful moments keep floating in and out of our conversation. It's a fine line we're tiptoeing right now. "So you took me up on my offer, huh?"
"Yup. And we had a great night. We rode the rides at Wonderland, played skee ball so many times that I won enough tickets to get you an obnoxiously huge pink teddy bear at the arcade. We shared a bucket of Johnson's caramel popcorn…we really had a blast," he reminisces with a thoughtful smile.
"And by the end of the night?"
"I was under your spell, Bella." He looks down, gets shy for a minute and continues, "We found ourselves a lifeguard stand near eighth street, climbed up into the seat and made out for a while, before calling it a night." He adds with a cocky nod to his head.
I gasped, feigning shock and awe.
"I was that easy? I let you get to first base just like that? Shame on me," I add a facetious, judgmental tongue click while shaking my head.
He smirks and looks away so that I can't see his face…I can see he's warring within, holding back on something.
"What? Say it! What aren't you telling me?" I plead.
He shakes his head and laughs, going for it. "I was the one that held YOU off! You were trying to grope me!"
I gasp. "I was not…you're lying." He can't be serious.
"Okay," he shrugs, "If you say so."
I huff and cross my arms in tickled disbelief. Even if Edward is telling the truth about me being hot to trot back in the day, I still feel like we're flirting with a dangerous topic right now. I think it's best to move on.
"Well, anyway. We spent the next few weeks like that. I'd be in and out of your cabana every day, waiting on your family, doing my thing…and then you and I would go out in the evenings when my shift was over. We had some fun, you and me."
"So what changed?"
He gets quiet. I know he's got so much more to say, but I can see that he's holding back. I can only imagine why. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me. Especially if this was the beginning of the end for "us". Even more if what we ended up becoming to each other was ugly enough to cause him to be totally put off by the sight of me walking into Last Call weeks ago.
Yeah. Maybe this is gonna be tough to take. I guard my heart and steel myself for whatever he decides to say.
"Basically, your mom didn't like me. Didn't think I was good enough for you. Didn't want her only daughter hanging out with the hired help."
"And I just went along with what she said?"
"You were fourteen years old, Bella. You didn't have much of a choice."
"So that was it. I had to break up with you because you were an employee and my mom disapproved?"
"Essentially, yeah."
"That fucking sucks."
"Yeah…it sure as hell did," he adds with a firm nod.
"So, how did it all end? What did I say to you? Where did we leave it—?"
Edward cuts me off. "Hey…it's after 3…you look like you're fading and I know I'm wiped. How about if we get some sleep? We can talk more tomorrow, if you'd like."
I know he just avoided what I assume was a pretty rotten moment in our history, but I know he's right about the time. I stretch and yawn in agreement. "Yeah, okay. So…I guess we're just pulling up some concrete here, huh?"
"Unfortunately, yeah. I'm sorry we're stuck."
"Hey…not your fault. I'm a klutz…end of story. If I had any grace at all, I'd probably already be back home in my comfy bed and you'd be finished with your inventory and curled up in bed with…" I stop myself before I touch on a topic we have avoided for the last forty-five minutes. "Well, anyway, I'm sorry.
"Wanna share the blanket with me?" I ask, "It's getting pretty chilly. Body heat is probably our best chance of staying warm enough for the next few hours."
He agrees, "Yeah, here… let me."
Edward stands after I hand him the blanket. It's a king-size, so he doubles it up for a little bit of extra padding underneath us while still saving some extra to cover us on top. Then he grabs a few extra sweatshirts and bunches them up to give each of us a makeshift pillow.
"How's that?" he asks proudly.
"It's great. Thanks."
He flicks off the light, lies down on his side and I lay down, also on my side facing away from him. If I turn over, I could be tempted to get lost in him again. I can feel his body heat radiating behind me, warming me…soothing me. If we were about six inches closer, we'd be in a full-fledged spoon position. But neither one of us seems to be making that move. It's safest this way.
"Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. Thank you for everything tonight. The story, the laughs, this bed. You've given me some hope."
"Hope for what?"
I continue to speak softly into the blackness. "For the future, I guess. That maybe I'll slowly get some more questions answered. That maybe I can figure out who I was back then and see if it matches who I am today."
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"No matter what you find out…just know that you were always pretty fantastic," he whispers into my hair. I can barely detect his warm breath on my neck. It gives me goosebumps.
"Were," I repeat again in a whisper.
"Are."
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