Chapter Nineteen

~Thinking Out Loud~

EPOV

I'm trying to gather my thoughts, stretched out on the back deck, when I hear Jazz pull up in the driveway. I don't even bother getting up. He's been to my parents' home many times, so he knows he can skip coming to the front door to ring the bell. A minute later, I see his wavy blond hair jogging up the stairs.

"Morning! Jeez, you look like shit. What the hell happened to you?"

"Lay off, man. You wouldn't believe the night I just had and the severe lack of sleep."

Dr. Jasper Whitlock

"Oh, yeah? Making up for lost time in the sack with the future Mrs. Cullen, I take it?" Jazz smirks through his comment.

I roll my eyes in response. Future Mrs. Cullen? Pssshhh. Statements like that make me wish we were referring to a brown-haired beauty, rather than the current future Mrs. Cullen.

God, I am so screwed right now.

I respond "I wish," and then chuckle inwardly at the irony of that statement.

"Okaaaay…care to elaborate on that?"

"I wasn't with Tori last night."

"Alright, so what has you looking all worn out right now?"

"A very late night and early morning, too, only not with Tori...with Bella."

Jasper juts out his chin and his jaw drops open, "YOU SLEPT WITH BELLA LAST NIGHT?"

"Relax! And yes, but not like you think. We slept next to each other, we didn't sleep together…you know…not that the thought didn't cross my mind, because believe me, it did."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute…back the hell up…how did you land in bed with Bella last night?"

"I stayed at the bar after closing to do the inventory for the holiday weekend. It usually takes a couple hours, so I sucked it up and started after the last customer left. Twenty minutes later, Bella was in the cellar with me, holding an old picture of the two of us together and demanding answers about our history. She tripped on the damn door stop and the cellar door slammed behind us, locking us in for the rest of the night…well, morning actually…until about," I pause to look at my watch, "thirty-five minutes ago. So, to answer your original question, we didn't land in a bed together, we landed on a freezing cold, hard-ass, concrete floor with only a fleece blanket underneath us…I wish we had been in a suite at the Four Seasons."

"Holy. Shit. And you couldn't call anybody?"

"No, brainiac! Neither of us had our phones on us. We had the clothes on our back, which in Bella's case were criminally lacking if you ask me, and we were stuck together for the next five hours, till the cooks opened the restaurant this morning."

"Good Lord. Does EVERYTHING have to be a three-ring circus where you're concerned these days?"

"Apparently so. Coffee?" I offer, pointing to my mug.

"Yes, please…d'you need a refill?"

"Nah, I'm good. Just poured my cup a minute before you arrived. So whadja bring me?" I reach for the Dunkin Donuts box and lift the lid, revealing the sugary goodness lying beneath.




The gloriousness of the jelly donut from DD.

Jazz shouts to me from the kitchen, "Jelly doughnut, of course. You think I'd have the nerve to show up here without one of those? And thank goodness they had the granulated sugar kind. I know that bringing you the powdered sugar version isn't an option. HA! I'll never make that mistake again. I even brought your backup favorite…"

"Boston Crème?" I holler back with wide eyes. I can hear Jasper chuckling from the other room.

"Fuck yeah, you did! Mah man!" I reach over and offer Jazz a fist bump which he returns as he settles on a chair at the patio table.

"Don't ever let it be said I didn't do something for my best friend…even if he is as screwed up as the day is long."

I smile obnoxiously through a mouthful of sweet, soft dough as the jelly explodes in my mouth.

My eyes roll to the back of my head. Mmmm...Heaven.

I choose to ignore his comment about my screwed up life. I refuse to allow the shit storm erupting around me to detract from the doughnutty orgasm I'm experiencing.

"So…"

"Ssssho!" I repeat with raised eyebrows and the mouthful of sugar I'm desperately trying to contain.

"Talk to me, Goose. How the hell did this all go down?"

I take a sip of my coffee to clear out my mouth. "Abridged version?" I question, assuming we aren't about to morph into two chicks that could probably dissect every detail and turn this into a three-hour analysis session.

Jasper downs a gulp of coffee and nods while lifting his hand, palm up, as my cue to proceed.


DD's Boston Creme

"Bella showed up at the bar Memorial Day Weekend. She didn't recognize me at all. It pissed me off, but I still tried to blow it off."

"Successfully?" Jazz interjects. I return his question with a pointed glare that has "what the hell do you think?" written all over it.

"Saw her again a week later. She was friendly again; I was a dick…again. And I tried to move on." I reach for doughnut number two. "Then a few days later, not only does she show up at Four Seas to hire us to cater her aunt's memorial, but it turns out she's also the new waitress James hired."

Jazz starts to open his mouth again, but I quickly shut him up with, "Oh wait, it gets better!"

He shakes his head in response, blowing out an exhausted breath while I start again.

"She asked J out for coffee and they started dating!" Jazz gives himself a face-palm in response to that little nugget.

"So, she and I end up working side by side almost daily, all this crazy sexual tension and confusion pouring off me. She's unsure as to why I'm acting like such a prick to her all the time, meanwhile I'm pissed as hell that she's acting like she doesn't fucking remember me! Fast forward to the end of the night after the Saturday memorial, she spills her guts, tells me about the accident, her family, her fucking dead husband and her amnesia!"

"Jesus Christ."

"Right? So I feel like total shit about how I've treated her AND I'm still torn up and twisted about her dating James, to boot!" I pause and take a sip of my coffee to try and calm the hell down for a minute. "So then, as if on cue to mess with my head even more, Tori shows up unannounced four days early."

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?" Jazz attempts with a 'glass is half full' tone to his voice.

"Yeah, I suppose…if I could get Bella outta my head for one godforsaken second!" Jazz looks out toward the ocean, as if that may hold the answers and sage advice he wants to offer me.

"Oh, and the best part of all of this? Not only did Bella break up with James a few days ago, but Tori announced to me at dinner on Thursday that she doesn't want to move back here to Jersey after the movie wraps at the end of the summer. She wants to make a permanent move to Los Angeles…says she wants to open her own salon out there and wants me to start up a new restaurant and bar in California with her."

"WHAT?"

"Tell me about it. I fucking flipped on her. We argued and we've barely spoken two words to each other since."

"So she's at her parents' place right now?"

"No. Last I knew, she was spending the weekend in Philly with her girlfriends from the club."

"Oh, the club…s'cuse me." Jazz laughs through his nose.

"Please, don't get me started. Seems that Hollywood has gone to her head and she only wants to spend her free time at the country club with a few of her long-lost friends who make the cut these days. I thought I left all that fucking caste system crap behind me at the Flanders. I need this shit like I need a hole in the head," I spew, feeling myself get more and more fired up.

"Yeah, but at least you know Bella's not like that. Well, not anymore, at least. I mean, I remember some of those outrageous stories you told me about her… I thought you were crushing on the anti-Christ years ago. God, I can't even believe it's the same girl we're talking about."

"Exactly my point! Why am I even letting her be a blip on my radar right now? How can I ignore all the shit she put me through back then?" My frustration is crystal clear now, evidenced by the fact that I'm digging into my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"Uh, if memory doesn't fail me, a few weeks after y'all broke up, you made a supremely boneheaded maneuver by screwing around with—,"

I stop the assault on my eyes long enough to restate my meager defense for the thousandth time.

"Hey, I'm not proud of what I did. Don't get on me about this again, dude. I was using the idiotic logic of a seventeen year-old. And for the record, before you even go there, it wasn't one of her mother's friends. You always made it sound like I was a cougar's boy-toy. I think she was a friend of the family, whatever…it's all semantics. I did what I did to make it an easier break for both of us after her mother made us split up."

"Well, a crap-ton of good that did you, Dr. Phil. She was a kid and you broke her heart, asshole! So, as a result, she treated you like yesterday's garbage for the next few years…not to mention the fact that immediately after the 'incident'," he uses finger quotations because we both know what really went on, "you ended up driving her into the arms of her longtime gem of a boyfriend, am I right?"

"Yeah…the same fucking bastard boyfriend who ended up as her husband…her now dead husband. Melrose Place. I feel like I'm fucking starring on Melrose Place, dude. My dad always used to make fun of my mom for watching that crap when I was a kid, and here I am, right in the middle of a great storyline. Aaron Spelling would be salivating if he weren't six feet under."

Our fevered shouting comes to a screeching halt, both of us knowing this situation is a damn mess and a half.

"Jesus. We need the girls involved here. I don't know what to tell you, E. What can I say?"

"HA! I've got no idea. Are you allowed to tell me anything about what you know from her accident?"

"Well, I can't get into crazy details, because A) this was almost four years ago and I don't remember every blood pressure reading or the chronology of the procedures we ordered for her, but more importantly, B) doctor-patient confidentiality and HIPAA laws prevent me from saying anything to you without Bella's consent. Plus, I don't know that there's anything I could tell you that she didn't already reveal. I was her doctor. Her aunt trusted me. I followed her case closely until she wasn't a 'case' anymore but a friend who needed help.

"And just so we're clear, the Bella who woke up in 2008 is the only one that I know personally. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that the stories you used to tell me about your Isabella from the Flanders are so beyond the scope of anything that present-day Bella would do or say…it's hard to accept that they're one and the same person."

"And now you see why I treated her so badly until she told me what happened to her! Christ, I thought she was married and trying to date my brother at the same time! UGH!"

I lean forward on the lounge chair and rest my elbows on my knees, fingers rubbing at my temples, trying to will away the aneurysm I'm surely about to collapse from.

"I need help, man. Tell me what the hell to do. I can't talk to James about all this…it would be too weird after he just got kicked to the curb by Bella."

"Okay. Take a breath." Jasper tries to calm me. "Can I ask you a question that has nothing to do with Bella right now?"

"Yeah. Shoot."

"What's going on with Tori? And keep in mind that Bella should have nothing to do with this discussion. Are you in it for the long haul with Tori? Cause if you're not, you need to end it sooner rather than later. And please don't do it in front of the entire crowd at your engagement party…talk about Melrose Place."

I start scrubbing my hands over my face furiously, as if taking off a layer or two of skin will enlighten me and give me the answers I'm searching for.

"I don't know, Jazz. I can't leave Jersey. This is my home, my life. I've built a solid foundation for myself and for James. He's counting on me to not flake on him and run across the country. Tori and I planned a future together a long time ago…and it was always meant to be here on LBI! I was ready to start my own family here. Now she's telling me she still wants me, but on her new terms. She's being totally selfish and changing our game plan without any discussion at all. And truthfully, it's like she's made her decision already! I don't wanna walk away from everything I worked so hard for over here. But the thought of losing Tori doesn't sit well with me, either."

"Okay, I'm about to say something…sorta playing devil's advocate for one side then the other, so bear with me."

I raise my eyebrows, waiting for Jasper to lower the boom.

"Haven't you already lost Tori?"

I open my mouth to refute Jazz but he raises his hand, "Hear me out for a second. Let me say what's on my mind and then the floor is yours to counter."

I nod in response and fall back on my lounge.

"You and Tori have been separated…leading different lives for a while now. Yet, you got engaged six months ago…why?"

"It seemed like the logical next step. We'd been together for over two years before she got the opportunity to travel and move out west. We're comfortable together, we make sense. I love her, I…I guess it's hard to picture the future without her in it."

"Just hard? I mean, you said you're comfortable and you make sense, but—,"

"Okay, I get it! You're making me say all this stuff out loud so I can hear how lame I sound. ARGGHHH! So what, what are you saying? I need to dump her and move on with Bella?"

"Hell no, I'm not saying that at all. I want you to take a step back for a minute; try to see what I see. I'm trying to lay things out for you…and by the way, I told you to leave Bella out of this."

"It's impossible, Jazz. She's consuming my every fucking thought right now. I'm a goddamn mess and my engagement party to another girl is less than a week away."

"Listen. I can't tell you what to do about Tori versus Bella, but I will share this. I'm comfortable with Allie. And we do make sense together, usually," he adds with a smile, "…but that's because we've been married for almost six years. And those are excellent qualities to look for and to have tucked in your mind when you think about the person who is gonna be next to you for the rest of your life. But make no mistake, I'm madly in love with her, too. I can't imagine my life without her. We laugh, we cry, we fight and we make up and it's everything I always wanted my life to be. And if Allie ever told me she wanted to move across the country to start a pencil sharpening company or any other menial or monumental plan that could pop into her scheming brain, I would turn in my notice at Cooper and start looking for jobs in the next city. I wouldn't give it a second thought. Because I just can't live without her."

It's my turn to stare out to the ocean, hoping that an answer will roll in with the tide…or maybe it just did.

"Sorry if that didn't really help…or maybe I should say sorry if it did. I just don't want you to be miserable, man. And I know what LBI and what you've built here mean to you. I'm sorry Tori doesn't wanna be a part of it. But you can't make this decision about Bella. Don't put that on her. She has enough to deal with in her life. Don't make her responsible for breaking up your relationship, too."

I run my hands through my hair, letting Jasper's words of wisdom marinate in my head.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" He doesn't wait for a response this time, "Did you hook up with Bella last night?"

"I kissed her. I know it was wrong, but fuck, it felt so right. It happened right after we got locked in. She pulled away first and the rest of the night we were both just in 'old friend' mode. At least, I tried to be. I told her as much as I could about how our relationship started and the fun we used to have. I took our story right up to where we had to officially break up and the aftermath. I wasn't ready to get into all of that."

"So when do you plan to tell her the rest? What you did, what she did, how you both acted around each other for the next few years? The night those fuckers almost sold her to the highest bidder? Shit, even the night during your last summer when—,"

"Yeah, I know, Jazz," I interrupt him because my brain is about to explode from all the drama swirling within. "I know I have to tell her everything. DAMMIT!" I shout up to the sky. "Maybe she would've been less hideous to me for all those years if she'd know the truth earlier."

"Ya think?"

I glare at his jab.

"And I've been having dreams about the night I saved her from those assholes. She's gonna think her parents were fucking psycho for letting her marry that shithead. How can I dump on her parents' graves like that? She's got no goddamn family left! How am I supposed to tell her that the ones she used to have didn't even bother to look out for her when they were alive?"

Jasper lets out an exasperated huff and lifts his face to the sky, probably coming to terms with how sticky of a situation this all is.

"She's gonna need support, man. I don't know if she's gonna want it from me or not. You and Allie and Rosalie and Emmett are gonna have to be there for her. I can tell her, and I can try and be there for her if she wants to cry on my shoulder…but there's no way for me to be fully honest with her without totally breaking her heart. I did it once all those years ago…and I never felt so crappy in my whole life. I don't want to break her all over again. I don't want to have to recover from that again. It hurt like hell."

"We'll be here when she needs us. You just keep me informed on how things are going for you and how you're coming along with talking to Bella. I'll prep Alice, Emmett and Rosalie for whatever fallout might occur. We're all she's got. We have to make this okay for her."

I get up from my lounge, cross the deck and lean over the railing, staring at the beach below. "FUUUUUUCK!" I scream out toward the Atlantic. "This sucks. Real life really freaking sucks sometimes, y'know? I can't believe this is all happening at the same time. The universe feels like it's imploding."

"Hey, Lennon knew what he was talking about when he said 'Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans', right? It'll work out, my friend. I have faith. Just take it one day at a time." Jazz stands up and grabs his keys. "I've gotta get back. I promised Tristan a day on the beach with sandcastles and paddle ball."

I walk back over to give him a fist bump, which he returns, but he also pulls me close for a pound on my back.

"Thanks for listening. I appreciate it, man."

"Hey, any time. I'm sorry the hospital keeps me so busy that we can't hang out more often. But listen, golf this week?"

"Yeah, definitely. Let me check in with James about our schedules and I can let you know when I'm free."

"Good deal. See ya, brother. Hang in there." He pats my back once more and then turns toward the stairs.

"Thanks." I watch Jazz descend from sight and I head back into the house, making my way upstairs to crash for the next few hours.

Sleep doesn't come as easily as I would have hoped.

My brain is running a mile a minute and my heart feels heavy, knowing I basically hold the fates of two women in my hands, but for very different reasons.

I don't want to hurt either of them; I'm seriously not that guy. But Dad always tells me that the truth doesn't get any easier with time. I have to say what's on my mind. Give a full disclosure and then try and pick up any pieces that remain.

If that concrete cellar floor aged me thirty years last night, this current mental love triangle of Tori, Edward and Bella, with a mix of confused feelings, sexual tension and broken promises is killing me at an alarming pace.

Chapter Eighteen

~It's Darkest Before the Dawn~

EPOV

"Dammit, Isabella! Would you be quiet? They'll hear you!" I'm whisper-shouting at her and then poking my head outside the cabana to see if Alec and his assholes are any closer. I still don't see them, but I sure as hell hear them. They sound like they're messing around on the boardwalk. I've gotta get her out of here. "Let's go, come on!"

"Puuushy, puuushy, Mr. Pushy, jeez! Hang on. I can't leave without my puuuurse!"

As she leans over to grab it, I watch her face-plant into the corner of the end table and ricochet onto the Berber area rug.

She follows her graceful maneuver with muffled, epic laughter.

I watch her start to sit up, but she pauses, her body swaying slightly. She almost falls back down again. "Shit. Edwaaaaard. I think I'm bleeeeeeding," she croons, holding up a few fingers that are drizzled in bright, red blood.

"Good God," I rush over and help her up off the floor. She's giggling uncontrollably now. If I weren't so concerned about getting her out of here safe, the hazard that she is, I'd probably start laughing with her. Her laugh has always been infectious.

"Am I gonna be okay, doctor? Give it to me straight." She hiccups right in my face and keeps laughing.

Too bad I'm not the one in med school. Jazz would be helpful at a time like this. He's in Texas, though, introducing Alice to his family. I know he's ready to buy a ring.

Ugh. Not the point, though. Right now, I think this girl just needs some ice for the swelling and a bed to sleep off whatever crap is in her system.

"It looks like you split your lip, maybe from slamming your face into the table. Let me get you upstairs and I'll take care of it." I lift her into my arms as she wraps her own arms around my neck and tucks her head into my chest. I walk as quickly as possible out the door of the cabana and across the pool deck to the elevator doors. It's drizzling a bit tonight, so there's no one around the pool to gawk at us. I hear the goon squad rounding the corner as I step into the elevator which, thankfully, is without spectators...but the ride is slow as molasses dripping in January.

"Ooooooh, I bet you will." She's whispering seductively in my ear. "Please, take care of me Edward." Her hot, sweet breath, laced with the distinct smell of tequila, is sending chills down my neck. "I loved it when you used to take care of me. *HICCUP* Remember when you used to take care of me, Edwaaaard? I used to take care of you, too. Remember?"

Fingers in my hair. RED ALERT: FINGERS IN MY HAIR! Little minx. I bet she remembers I lose all damn control when she pulls her fingers through the soft ends of the hair on the back of my neck and gently grazes me with her fingernails.

"Those were good days, weren't they?" She sighs, "I don't have days like that anymore. I miss our good days."

She's trying to kill me right now. I've tried like hell to avoid her like the plague this summer, and even though I've been fairly successful at ignoring her bitchiness and snide comments, it still doesn't mean that I'm willing to stand by and let those assholes hurt her. Our five-week romance from a couple of years ago left such an impression on my heart. I've missed her in ways that I never thought possible.

Even with the few girls I've dated, the shameless summer hook-ups and college one-nighters I've allowed myself since then…nobody holds a candle to Isabella.

Being around her nowadays, seeing her attitude and being on the receiving end of her rolling eyes, I often wonder if the girl I was with for that short summer romance was the actual Isabella. Or was it just a show? Is the snobby, spoiled brat that she became almost immediately after she broke up with me the real deal? I wish I knew the answer. I'm sure my actions didn't help any.

"They weren't giving me Shirrrrrelly Temmmmmples, Edward." *HICCUP* her voice lowers to a whisper and she suddenly sounds pained. "I kept asking for my favorite drink, but they kept bringing me other stuff. I missed my Shirrrrelly Temmmmples. I missed my pink bubbles and the extra cherries. Do you miss my cherries, Edwaaaaard?"

I no longer smell her hot, tequila breath on my face. Instead, I'm surrounded by a familiar coconut smell.

And something tickling my nose, my very cold nose.

Morning wood is straining painfully within my jeans...always a good time.

Wait. Why the hell am I sleeping in jeans?

And holy shit my back is fucking KILLING me right now.

Another tickle to my nose.

I try to scratch away the bothersome itch and realize it's a hair, many strands of hair, in fact.

Another whiff of coconut and I realize where I am and who I'm with.

I open my eyes and take in the darkness...and the cold...and relish in the sensation of the incredible body squeezed against mine.

Bella and I must've managed to migrate slightly in the night. I'm sure she's freezing and trying to stay warm, I know I am. I detect her curled up, facing me, with her head tucked into my chest and sorta burrowing down into the blanket. My left arm is extended and she's buried herself in the nook of my arm that happily encircles her.

God in heaven, this feels fantastic, to be huddled up next to her in the blackness.

This feels natural.

This feels right.

But…fuuuuuuck.

I roll from my side onto my back and figure that sleeping on minimally-padded concrete may have aged my body about 30 years. Ugh. This sucks.

Rolling backwards also allows a gust of cold air to penetrate the warm bubble Bella and I had created in our blanket cocoon.

I don't hear any voices or footsteps upstairs, nor do I hear the banging of pots and pans from the kitchen, which is right above the wine cellar. It must still be before 8:00.

Faced with a serious dilemma, I realize I can do one of two things, here. I can roll back onto my side and allow Bella to tuck into me again, thereby not only reconstructing our nest of heat but also continuing to dream about what she and I used to be, or I can get up and start doing the inventory that I blew off last night.

Of course, the inventory would require the lights to be turned on…and I really don't want to wake Bella yet.

Not after staying up talking until the wee hours of the morning.

And that kiss?

Goddamn, that kiss was hot as hell. I've kissed Victoria all week long, and not one of those lip-locks has even approximated the desire I felt stirring inside me last night while making out with Bella. It's a good thing she pulled back first, cause I swear to the good Lord that I was ready to yank her onto my lap and show her just how much I've missed her being in my arms all these years. It took everything in me not to attack her again and again throughout our talk and show her just how crazy I'm feeling with her reappearance in my life.

Our history is so damn convoluted. I've been telling myself for years how awful a person Bella was. It helped me sleep better at night after walking away from the Flanders. It soothed my bruised ego and wrecked heart for the rejection I felt and the crap that came with it.

I always wanted to believe that the glimpse she gave me in the beginning of our relationship would eventually outshine that default bratty exterior, that maybe she'd stand up to her mother and her parents' friends... and even a few of the bitchy friends she associated with. Mr. Swan seemed indifferent to me, and to Bella and me as a couple, but it was her mom and her hellacious country club posse that was the driving force behind our break-up. I'm convinced of it.

We were both so torn up for the next few weeks after our forced split. It stung like a bitch to see her every day and not be close to her, to only wait on her and her parents, bringing them drinks, towels, etc.

That's why I did what I did. Misguided as I probably was, I tried to make it a bit easier for her to walk away from me, from us. It made me sick to my stomach to do it. I can't begin to imagine what it made her feel like to see it with her own eyes.

And for as strong a person as she is, to have endured what's happened to her these last several years since the accident, I know she's still fragile inside. She was hanging onto my every word last night. That's why I had to end the conversation where I did. I wasn't ready to break her heart all over again. Not yet. I still have to find a way to navigate this course as gingerly as possible.

I try and calm my brain, which seems to have been running non-stop since I opened my eyes. I opt for warmth, but instead of rolling back toward Bella, and possibly impaling her with my hardened dick which doesn't seem to wanna go away, I just drag the blanket up to my nose and close my eyes again, searching for a few extra moments of sleep before the reality of the day douses me with a bucket of frigid ice water.

"Are you awake?" Her voice rises from the shadows.

"Oh! Oh yeah, I am. I didn't realize you were, though. Sorry if I woke you."

"No, you didn't technically wake me. The gust of cold air when you rolled away alerted me that you weren't dreaming anymore. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

I laugh through my nose.

"Yeah, I know. Several people have told me over the years." Please God, don't let me have spilled my guts while unconscious.

"Well, you sounded awfully aggravated. Mumbling about lack of medical training and slow-ass elevators. It was pretty funny. I think my snickering woke you, because that's when you started to stir."

Jesus. Even my sleeping self can't keep his thoughts on lockdown. Why not throw it all on the line, moron? Things couldn't get any worse, could they?

Scratch that…yes, yes they probably could. Given the events of the last month, I don't discount anything, anymore.

"Yeah well, maybe I have subconscious desires about being in the healthcare field or pursuing the art of elevator repair, I dunno."

Cue epic eye roll. Thank God we're still in the dark and I can't see her reaction to my implausible dream interpretation.

"My back is killing me right now. How do you feel?" I'm hopeful my suave attempt at switching gears will get us off my nocturnal ramblings.

"Um, my neck is a little stiff. I ended up taking one of the sweatshirts you gave me as a pillow and stuck my legs through the arm holes to keep them warm."

"Oh man, I'm so sorry. You must be an icicle. I forgot that you were wearing those shorts. Here, do you have enough blanket?" I stretch my arm across her petite body, dragging the blanket to make sure she is tucked in tight.

"I do. Thanks. Sleeping next to you was like sleeping next to a heater. The warmth you gave off helped a lot."

"Yeah, I always get pretty warm when I sleep. Being in the sweatshirt, t-shirt and jeans last night made me feel like I was in an oven. I normally don't sleep with any—," I stop short of confessing to Bella that I sleep in next to nothing. Boxers and that's it…otherwise I'll roast. Bella, however, doesn't need to know this. It would land us right back in Awkwardville.

"Is it weird that James didn't come looking for you last night? I was wondering that as I fell asleep."

"No, he spent the night at our parents', getting ready for the big family reunion we're catering in Fairmont Park in Philly today."

"Oh, well I'm sure Tori's worried about you not coming home last night. Sorry if sleeping next to me gets you into hot water. I mean, with having to tell Tori and stuff. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear that you slept next to one of your waitresses on the floor of your wine cellar last night."

"Personally, I don't know that she'd care. Tori's a bit… preoccupied right now."

"Oh. With the engagement party, you mean? I'm sure she's very busy with the plans."

"No, it's not that. She just…ehh, forget it." I start telling Bella what's on my mind, but I fear it will lead us back to places we're not ready to venture.

"What? I mean…I know you and I haven't been close since I came into town…and we've only recently started talking in full sentences to each other. But, I can be a good listener…I mean, if you want one...if you need one."

Thankfully, the darkness of the cellar helps mask the hesitation I'm sure is evident on my face.

I know we're trying to take the weirdness out of that kiss from last night and move on. Maybe I should let her be my friend…ugh. Could this get any more complicated? Tori, Bella, Tori, Bella. I feel like I'm on the fucking Tilt-a-Whirl at Wonderland. My whole life has flipped upside down on its nose in the past week.

Right now, I could really use an ear to bend. If Kate were here with me at this moment, I'd do the same thing…well, minus the kissing.

Against my better judgment, I decide to take a leap of faith and vent to Bella.

"Tori basically told me that she wants to stay on the west coast. She's been very successful in her job, and I'm happy for her, but she's considering opening a salon out in California…rather than here on LBI, like we'd planned. I mean, nothing's written in stone…she just caught me off guard the other night when she mentioned it."

"You mean, after all the work you've put into making your businesses a success out here, she wants you to just leave it behind? James told me everything you guys have done to make a name for yourselves. Jeez. Are you even gonna consider leaving Jersey? I mean, yeah, I'm sure you could open a restaurant and bar out west…but, yikes."

"I could, but that's not the point. We had plans to stay here, and she's pulling the rug out from under me, from us really. Not to mention the fact that James and I sunk ALL our money into this pub and hotel and the catering AND the B&B, which hasn't even opened yet!

"He'd fuckin' have my head if I walked out on him. Sorry…didn't mean to go off just then. I just…I don't feel…I…I don't know. Ignore me. Sleep deprivation, cold temperatures and back pain have made me delirious. Forget my stream of consciousness."

"Oh— okay. I mean, your thoughts seem pretty legit to me. But, you and Tori want the best for each other; I'm sure it'll all work out."

"Yeah. Hope so."

"Hmmmm…vuvuvuvuvuvuvuv." Bella's teeth start chattering as she rolls closer toward me uttering jibberish, but really just trying to bury her face deeper into the blanket.

Just then, I hear the faint sounds of talking above us and can detect footsteps and movement in the kitchen.

I pull myself up from the floor and re-tuck Bella into the covers. After switching on the light, I find a broom standing in the corner and start smacking the edge of the pole against the ceiling.

The upstairs goes silent, so I take that opportunity to shout up to them, "Hey, down here guys!" as I continue to smack the broom on the ceiling a few more times.

"I think we're about to be rescued, Chilly Willy." I turn back to the Bella cocoon on the floor.

"Thhhhhank g-g-g-goodnessssss," I hear her stutter from under the blanket.

A minute later, I hear rustling outside the door, the lock turning and the door swings open.

"What the—…E? Jesus, you alright?" Craig, my head chef, is staring at me in disbelief. His gaze is drawn to the movement under the blanket and his eyes get impossibly wider.

"How…who is that?" He points, whispering to me, worried that I've had a secret rendezvous, but not wanting to announce it.

"Hey, Craig."

He and I both look toward the lumpy pile which sprouted a voice and see that Bella has lowered the blanket to just below her eyes.

"You two got locked down here last night?" Craig asks, with his eyebrows raised in semi-accusation.

"Yeah, the door slammed shut, and neither of us had our phones. Thank God we found Katie's blanket stash and the sweatshirts that didn't sell last summer. We would've really been in trouble if we didn't have that stuff." I answer with confidence to dispel any assumption of less-than-honorable behavior.

"Well yeah, let's get you the hell outta here," he props open the door with the door stopper. "You've really gotta get this door fixed, E."

"I know, Craig. Thanks for the Monday-morning quarterbacking. I'll get on it, though," I laugh out loud.

Bella stands and peels the upside-down sweatshirt from her superbly delicious, long legs. Help me, Jesus. I side-eye Craig and see that his eyes are bugging out of his head watching Bella's inadvertent strip-tease. He catches my look and straightens his face as I narrow my eyes at his retreating figure. After she slips on her flip-flops, all three of us head for the stairs. Screw inventory. Right now, a hot shower and my warm bed are my top priorities.

I shake hands with Craig and Dave, thanking them for the gallant rescue and making sure they know I'll be back later in the evening to do inventory. Bella's waiting for me, holding the back door open and we walk out to the parking lot together.

"So listen—,"

"Bella, I—,"

We both speak at the same time and then laugh at each other.

"I'm sorry, ladies first."

She smiles and breaths out through her nose. "I just wanted to say 'sorry' first and 'thanks' second. I'm sorry, again, for my clumsiness which trapped us last night." I shake my head with an amused look on my face, knowing she didn't do it on purpose.

"I also just wanted to thank you again for talking to me… for being honest with me about the picture and how we met. I really hope we can talk some more soon. And now that I know we used to be a couple, I know it probably makes you feel sorta weird and awkward…but you're…you're my only source," she bravely admits, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "It's important that you know you're my only hope for more information. I…I just needed you to know how much I need you and your help."

My stomach does a flip hearing her tell me how much she needs me. I know she's only referring to being able to tell her the story of her life as I know it…but for a few seconds, I allow myself to think it means she really needs me in so many other ways, too.

I try to allay her desperation. "No apologies, okay? I'm here. I'm here whenever you need me. I'm not going anywhere."

She gives me a tentative smile and nods her head.

"And one more thing…the um…the kiss? It was beyond wrong to put you in that position…I promise it won't happen again. Can we just…forget it?" She says the words, but I feel like there's a vacancy in her eyes. Does she mean them?

I say the only appropriate thing for the current circumstance we're in.

"Hey…it's forgotten. It takes two to tango and I'm a big boy who was a willing participant. No worries. Now go on home…get some sleep. I'm about to do the same thing," I say, unlocking my car door.

Forgetting that kiss? Not at all likely. But what else can I say? I'm still engaged.

"Yeah. Sounds like a great idea. Have a good day…sleep…well, you know what I mean," she chuckles.

"Yeah, I do. You too, Bella."

My car follows Bella down the boulevard until I have to turn off onto my side street alcove. I honk, and see her hand give a wave out her window in response.

My phone vibrates and then beeps, indicating the arrival of a two-part text message:

The fam & I just arrived Emmett's. You & I need to talk, dude! Put on the coffee, I've got the donuts. We're not waiting till we hit the greens. Way too much at stake. Be there in 20.

Chapter Seventeen

~Honest Moments~

BPOV

Seconds pass into minutes.

My head's dizzy and my heart's racing.

I'm being kissed so slowly, so tenderly. I feel like Sleeping Beauty, her prince's kiss of true love awakening her from her spell.

He places his hands on both sides of my jaw, his fingers lingering and soothing the skin of my neck under my ears, his thumbs faintly rubbing back and forth high on my cheeks.

Our bodies close the distance in between as we sit more upright in our embrace, no longer slumped against the wall.

It's so intense. I'm melting in the moment. I feel like he's seeping into me from every direction.

Our mouths move together as if we've rehearsed this before, like we know exactly when to tug, when to nibble, when to suck.

It's beautiful. It's comforting. It feels like home.

Perfection.

I'm kissing Edward and he's kissing me back. Nobody's getting rough. We're not all tongues and teeth and breathless assault.

We're just…sympatico.

I don't even know how we got here.

All I remember is questioning him about a picture from our past and the next thing I know, we're sitting on the floor with our backs against the door, whispering words and looking deeply into each other's eyes...and it leads to this.

I allow myself to get lost in this moment and pretend that this man is truly mine.

His soft lips coax mine to come out and play with his.

The cinnaminty taste of his tongue and breath.

His fingers continue to glide along my face and neck, telegraphing the sincerity of the moment.

I'm kissing Edward.

Edward.

Somebody else's fiancé.

Reality settles in and reminds me where I am and most of all, who I am.

I'm not that girl. I simply won't be.

This man isn't mine and I need to stop pretending.

I pull back from his gentle hold on my head and open my eyes, wishing I didn't have to end the moment, but knowing that I must.

"That was definitely not what I came here for," I whisper, "on top of it being completely inappropriate, I'm sorry." I shamefully turn away from him.

"I'm not."

What?

I whip my head back to look at him, feeling totally perplexed.

"Yes, maybe it wasn't right for me Edward, the boss, to kiss you, Bella, my employee. But I won't ever be sorry we kissed."

"Yeah, but beyond the boss/employee thing, you're engaged…or did you forget?" I question, eyebrows raised, completely stumped by his response.

"I didn't forget," he sighs and it's his turn to look away.

"Well, I didn't either. We shouldn't have done that." I gather my legs under me to stand up and start pacing, trying not to panic…but enclosed spaces don't make me feel all warm and fuzzy, I think it stirs inside some residual anxiety I have since the car accident. I wasn't coherent at the time, but to know that I was trapped for a while that night…I just feel a little unsettled right now.

"Bella—, look, it's really freakin' late. I've had a bitch of a day and it seems that you've had quite a day, yourself. I'm not gonna hold you accountable for what just happened. I got lost in the moment and allowed it to happen."

I look down at Edward still sitting on the floor. Long legs extended out in front as he digs and rubs his fingers in his eyes, his frustration evident.

"So, what are we gonna do?" I ask, hands on my hips. I need to get myself centered again. I came here looking for answers. Seems I've already gotten more than I bargained for.

"Do about what? That's a pretty loaded question. For starters, we're stuck here. No door handles, no phones, nobody upstairs and nobody coming back for at least five hours. We're gonna have to make the best of it."

Making the best of it, trapped for the night.

"Okay. It's sooo not the way I planned on spending the remainder of this night, but I guess we'll survive. I mean, we will survive, right? There's enough oxygen down here, isn't there?"

He laughs through his nose at my apparently ludicrous question. "Yeah, we'll survive. This isn't an episode of 'Alias'. The cellar isn't vacuum-sealed where the oxygen gets sucked out every time the door closes. There are cooling units that keep the temperature regulated, especially with the humid Jersey summer already starting to beat down on us. We need to keep it at about 55 degrees. If anything, we're gonna get pretty cold. But—!"

He stops mid-sentence and his eyes get wide as he leaps up from his spot on the floor like a man on a mission. I watch him cross the floor and search a bit. Next thing I know, he produces a large storage bin he found tucked behind one of the many wine racks.

"Aha! I knew I loved Katie for a reason. We're in luck! Think fast!"

He tosses me what looks like a new, dark green blanket that I catch with both hands. I unwrap it from its packaging and drape it around my shoulders, definitely feeling the chill in the air. Only wearing a ribbed tank top and denim short shorts, I'm completely underdressed for this dip in temperature.

"The last time I did a major inventory was right before the winter holidays. Kate stayed with me until four in the morning to help and she kept complaining how cold she was. On her next shift, she came in with this blanket and told me she was storing it down here for the next time I forced her to 'freeze her tushie off', her words, not mine." He punctuates his story with a crooked smile and a shake of his head.

"Well, thanks. And I'll make sure to thank Kate the next time I see her."

"You're welcome, but wait, it gets better! Check it out!" Out of the bin, he pulls a large black sweatshirt that says Last Call Bar & Grill with the address and a screen printed picture of a beer mug and a martini glass.

"You're kidding! Those are fantastic!"

"Yeah, James thought it would be a good idea to sell them to help with advertising, so he had a boatload of t-shirts and sweatshirts made last year for our first summer. You've seen them pinned on the wall upstairs, but I'll give you the employee discount considering our circumstances tonight," he adds with a smile. "Hmm, we only have big sizes though."

"I don't mind. Beggars can't be choosers and nobody wants a tight sweatshirt anyway. The whole point is loose comfort. A large is fine for me."

He tosses me the sweatshirt and pulls one out for himself as well, and yanks it over his head.

I do the same and then settle back into my original position on the floor, with my back holding up the wall.

"So, now that I know we aren't going to become Edward and Bella-sicles due to frigid temperatures, nor are we going to die of asphyxiation…can we talk?" I ask hopefully, and then add, "Starting with why you lied?"

Edward holds eye contact with me and releases a deep breath.

He sits down on a couple of stacked crates and runs his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit of his I noticed almost right after I started working here.

"Okay, what's on your mind?"

"Honestly? I wanna know everything, Edward. Everything you can tell me about what you know of me, who I was, who my friends were, what I did, how I acted. But most of all, this picture is speaking volumes to me right now. You lied to me." I hold it up for emphasis again. "I mean, were we together? Like boyfriend-girlfriend?"

He raises his eyebrows in response, "Yes and no."

"Oh, well that's mighty helpful. Care to decode that for me, oh mighty Magic 8 Ball?" I snark back with a roll of my eyes.

Crossing the floor back to where I'm huddled under the toasty-warm blanket, he snickers at my attempt at levity. He takes a seat next to me, exactly where we were moments ago, but the mood has shifted and I no longer worry that one or both of us will cross a line.

Although on the whole I'm still pissed that Edward wasn't honest about how he knew me when we first addressed this topic weeks ago, my attitude has softened and I'm eager to move beyond it for now. Being stuck in a room together for the night has shifted the dynamic between us to a much more familiar place. We've established this semi-fun banter with each other and I've put that sensational kiss that we shared on a shelf to deal with later. It was phenomenal but if I dwell on it right now, I won't be able to focus on the details that Edward might be ready to share with me.

He starts speaking out to the room, not facing me, but making it more of an announcement. I won't be picky. He's talking…that's all that matters right now. "If you were to ask me if you were my girlfriend on the night this picture was taken, I would have told you 'yes'. But we had just gotten together a couple of weeks prior, and we weren't involved that much longer, maybe only another week or two."

Yikes. I seem to be the queen of short-lived romances. I pray that's not a pattern I'll continue.

"Wow. Okay. Wanna share why we stopped so abruptly? Or better yet, start with explaining how we got together in the first place?"

"Is there a door number three I could choose, Monty?" he requests with a hopeful half-smile, still not looking me in the face.

I shove shoulders with him. "Shut up," I add with a slight giggle, "No door number three. Answer the question…and please start at the beginning and DON'T leave out any good stuff." I raise my eyebrows to punctuate my sentiments.

This guy has a piece, actually, it sounds more like a handful of pieces, to my life puzzle. I'm ready to play. I've been ready for years.

A silly thought crosses my mind; I wish I had popcorn to munch on while listening to Edward reveal our story. If he's avoided it for this long, it must be a juicy one!

"You're right. We knew each other well beyond just one night at a party where I saw you dance, although that did happen. Exactly as I said. And…you really were spectacular. Please know that." He looks directly in my eyes so that I can see the sincerity in his words.

"I believe you." I offer, honestly.

"Good," he nods in response. "So uh, I guess I should start by saying that this all took place in Ocean City. Do you remember ever vacationing there? Maybe as a young girl…back during the times you can recall?"

"No. I really don't remember Ocean City at all. All I remember is coming here to Loveladies as a child. My aunt and uncle had their house since my dad was a kid. But I take it that I did go to Ocean City as a teenager?"

It feels so weird asking questions to somebody other than Aunt Didi. And somebody who isn't just going to theorize or give his best guess. Edward has answers. LOTS of answers. This is a dream come true…a fervent prayer, about to be granted.

"Yeah. We first met in, uhhh, two-thousand...three, I believe? Yeah, summer of oh-three. I had spent the previous summer working as a bus boy at the Flander's Restaurant and as a pool boy for a few shifts a week. Then, the following summer I was promoted to working the cabanas. I was your cabana boy."

He was what? I can't stop the giggles from erupting.

"Hey! What's so funny?" He questions, looking surprised.

"You were my cabana boy? I had a cabana boy? What? Was I starring in Desperate Housewives of Ocean City?"

Edward starts chuckling along with me. His eyes get those crow's feet crinkles around them when he laughs and smiles…I sorta-kinda love those crinkles.

"Bella, you were fourteen, you were not a housewife. But yes, your family rented a cabana every summer from Memorial Day to Labor Day. And you stayed in one of the penthouse suites in the hotel as well."

"Jeez. My parents sure knew how to throw their money around. Penthouse, huh?"

"Penthouse." He repeats with finality.

"Okay, what else, Mr. Cabana Boy? So we met when I was fourteen and you were seventeen."

"Well, I was technically sixteen when we first met, and a few weeks later I turned seventeen.

"So tell me! What happened? Did you see me across a crowded pool, dive in, swim to the other end and pledge your undying love to me?" I add with a melodramatic clasping of my hands near my heart.

He smiles and looks away. "No, not quite. I had to play it cool." He suavely pretends to uncuff his imaginary collar. "I had a rep to protect! Couldn't let you know just how interested I was at first!"

Smirky bugger. Damn it, why are you so cute right now?

"Ahhh, so you played 'hard to get' didja? Okay, so spill…how long did you hold out before you decided I was irresistible?"

"About four hours," he delivers with a straight face.

I burst out laughing at his candidness.

"Four hours, huh? I must've been salivating by then, too! How did I keep myself occupied while you were off torturing me with your wily cabana boy ways?"

"Torturing YOU? You're delusional! You were lying there on one of the deck lounges with suntan oil all over your string bikini-clad body, which by the way was one of the tiniest scraps of material I've ever seen. Every time I passed by, I got a whiff of coconut. You were killing me with your tropical scent and your vixen smile!"

"Vixen, Edward? Really? At fourteen?" I laugh.

"Okay, maybe you weren't a vixen at that point in our history, but I knew I was in trouble all the same," he delivers grinning, huffing through his nose.

I return his smile and look down. I'm glad we're joking about this and being silly with one another. It's probably a good thing that I don't remember what happened. With my newfound glimpses of how great a person he is, I'm sure I was heartbroken back then. He probably didn't even bat an eye. I sigh and look back up at him.

"Where did you go just then? We were having fun and then you got quiet," he's whispering again.

"I was just thinking that maybe it's better I don't remember our quickie relationship. From what I know of you, I imagine I had to be pretty damn torn up after we were through," I shrug.

He stares at me, not knowing how to proceed, it seems. I try for levity again.

"So tell me the story of us…however short it may be."

"Well, your family moved into the hotel that Friday morning of Memorial Day Weekend. You came down to the pool while your parents were upstairs unpacking and you asked which cabana was yours…my manager found me at the same time, and asked me to escort you there and show you around a bit.

"We talked some, and laughed. You were kinda shy but funny. I gave you the lowdown on the cabana, how to work the TV and the quirky sink. You were already in your bathing suit and eager to lay out by the pool.

"So, I led you to the pool deck to help you get set up for the day and asked if you wanted a drink. I remember you asked for a Sprite. I went into the hotel bar to grab it for you, but then I decided to take a chance and make you something different, something that reminded me of you, so to speak. So, I spiced up your order and brought you a—"

"Shirley Temple with three extra cherries?"

"Yeah," he smiles, glancing back at me.

God, those never-ending eyelashes of his…they may be the death of me.

"What was it about me that reminded you of that drink?"

He pauses thoughtfully and grins again, "The clear soda made me think of your pure, creamy skin. And then the pinkish red of the Grenadine flowing into the clear carbonation looked like the transition to when you blushed, your skin tone flushes pink and into red. Your cheeks were positively rosy, so those accounted for the two cherries."

"And the third?" I ask getting swept up in the moment of sweetness.

"For good luck," he adds with a small smile and a shrug. "My parents have always been believers in the good luck of threes. It just popped into my head at that moment and I ran with it."

Edward and I lock eyes again, a hint of a smile playing on both of our lips, but I'm determined not to lean in for a kiss. It was an inappropriate mistake, the earlier transgression. I can't let it happen again.

"So YOU'RE the reason I came to love Shirley Temples with three extra cherries, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess I am," he nods, playing with the lace on his sneaker.

"Well anyway, you loved the drink. Personally, I think it hooked you on the awesomeness of me!" He looks at me with a grin and I return his smile with a silly shake of my head. "And at the end of your day of relaxing by the pool, you asked if I wanted to hang out on the boardwalk that night."

My mouth drops open in amazement.

"I asked a hot, almost-seventeen year old guy on a date? Wow! I was ballsy, wasn't I?" I have to laugh at that news…I can't imagine being that bold nowadays.

He chuckles, "Nah, not ballsy, confident. As well you should've been, Bella." His voice softens and he looks directly at me, "Even though things ultimately didn't work out between us, you were always a pretty amazing girl."

I'm looking down, picking at my fingernails and distracting myself from his momentary flattery. I huff through my nose at his use of the verb. "Were," I repeat aloud.

I chance a peek his way and am met with his dead-on stare.

"Are."

I switch gears to get back on track. These meaningful moments keep floating in and out of our conversation. It's a fine line we're tiptoeing right now. "So you took me up on my offer, huh?"

"Yup. And we had a great night. We rode the rides at Wonderland, played skee ball so many times that I won enough tickets to get you an obnoxiously huge pink teddy bear at the arcade. We shared a bucket of Johnson's caramel popcorn…we really had a blast," he reminisces with a thoughtful smile.

"And by the end of the night?"

"I was under your spell, Bella." He looks down, gets shy for a minute and continues, "We found ourselves a lifeguard stand near eighth street, climbed up into the seat and made out for a while, before calling it a night." He adds with a cocky nod to his head.

I gasped, feigning shock and awe.

"I was that easy? I let you get to first base just like that? Shame on me," I add a facetious, judgmental tongue click while shaking my head.

He smirks and looks away so that I can't see his face…I can see he's warring within, holding back on something.

"What? Say it! What aren't you telling me?" I plead.

He shakes his head and laughs, going for it. "I was the one that held YOU off! You were trying to grope me!"

I gasp. "I was not…you're lying." He can't be serious.

"Okay," he shrugs, "If you say so."

I huff and cross my arms in tickled disbelief. Even if Edward is telling the truth about me being hot to trot back in the day, I still feel like we're flirting with a dangerous topic right now. I think it's best to move on.

"Well, anyway. We spent the next few weeks like that. I'd be in and out of your cabana every day, waiting on your family, doing my thing…and then you and I would go out in the evenings when my shift was over. We had some fun, you and me."

"So what changed?"

He gets quiet. I know he's got so much more to say, but I can see that he's holding back. I can only imagine why. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me. Especially if this was the beginning of the end for "us". Even more if what we ended up becoming to each other was ugly enough to cause him to be totally put off by the sight of me walking into Last Call weeks ago.

Yeah. Maybe this is gonna be tough to take. I guard my heart and steel myself for whatever he decides to say.

"Basically, your mom didn't like me. Didn't think I was good enough for you. Didn't want her only daughter hanging out with the hired help."

"And I just went along with what she said?"

"You were fourteen years old, Bella. You didn't have much of a choice."

"So that was it. I had to break up with you because you were an employee and my mom disapproved?"

"Essentially, yeah."

"That fucking sucks."

"Yeah…it sure as hell did," he adds with a firm nod.

"So, how did it all end? What did I say to you? Where did we leave it—?"

Edward cuts me off. "Hey…it's after 3…you look like you're fading and I know I'm wiped. How about if we get some sleep? We can talk more tomorrow, if you'd like."

I know he just avoided what I assume was a pretty rotten moment in our history, but I know he's right about the time. I stretch and yawn in agreement. "Yeah, okay. So…I guess we're just pulling up some concrete here, huh?"

"Unfortunately, yeah. I'm sorry we're stuck."

"Hey…not your fault. I'm a klutz…end of story. If I had any grace at all, I'd probably already be back home in my comfy bed and you'd be finished with your inventory and curled up in bed with…" I stop myself before I touch on a topic we have avoided for the last forty-five minutes. "Well, anyway, I'm sorry.

"Wanna share the blanket with me?" I ask, "It's getting pretty chilly. Body heat is probably our best chance of staying warm enough for the next few hours."

He agrees, "Yeah, here… let me."

Edward stands after I hand him the blanket. It's a king-size, so he doubles it up for a little bit of extra padding underneath us while still saving some extra to cover us on top. Then he grabs a few extra sweatshirts and bunches them up to give each of us a makeshift pillow.

"How's that?" he asks proudly.

"It's great. Thanks."

He flicks off the light, lies down on his side and I lay down, also on my side facing away from him. If I turn over, I could be tempted to get lost in him again. I can feel his body heat radiating behind me, warming me…soothing me. If we were about six inches closer, we'd be in a full-fledged spoon position. But neither one of us seems to be making that move. It's safest this way.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. Thank you for everything tonight. The story, the laughs, this bed. You've given me some hope."

"Hope for what?"

I continue to speak softly into the blackness. "For the future, I guess. That maybe I'll slowly get some more questions answered. That maybe I can figure out who I was back then and see if it matches who I am today."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"No matter what you find out…just know that you were always pretty fantastic," he whispers into my hair. I can barely detect his warm breath on my neck. It gives me goosebumps.

"Were," I repeat again in a whisper.

"Are."