~And So It Goes~
EPOV
"Okay, here's what I found at the beginning of June; there are actually two entries, I'll read both." Bella has scoured her pages for the last few minutes, trying to pinpoint the night of the bet and its aftermath in the hopes that she documented her version of the events.
June 4, 2006
I can't believe what I woke up to this morning. I was sprawled out across my bed, wearing my skimpiest bikini with only a blanket across me. I had a raging headache and my lip was a swollen, puffy disaster. And the cabana boy. Of all the people to find asleep on my bean bag love seat, I wake up with him a few feet away from me. We exchanged pleasantries (haha, yeah right...) and he stormed out. He said he "saved" me from Alec. I have no idea what he's talking about. I mean, yeah, Alec is an ass. I'm pretty sure he cheats on me and I know for a fact he drinks way too much, but other than being a spoiled rotten rich kid who acts like he's got the world on a string, he's basically harmless.
Saved me? Whatever.
"Lovely. Really lovely, Bella." She's talking to herself as she stands from her stool, and then turns to me. "This says I was sure Alec was cheating on me. How- WHY did I ever go through with this sham of a life I was building by agreeing to marry him?"
I also get up from my stool and wrap my arms around my fuming girlfriend. We're standing at the sink, looking out to the beach.
"Hey, listen. We're gonna keep reading, okay? I'm sure more answers are on the way. As for what you knew the day after? Like I said, I think they drugged you, Bella. If they did, there's no way you'd have remembered what happened, so it's no surprise you woke up pissed to see me and we went back to hating each other." I grab her hand and lead her back over to the couch. "Keep reading."
June 5, 2006
Dad and I had the weirdest conversation today. He wanted to know every moment of what went on over the weekend, especially Saturday night. He didn't go into details, but he was fishing for information I really didn't have. I don't know why I can't remember what happened. I know I had a drink of vodka and cranberry, but then I think I had several Shirley Temples after that...it's not like I was drunk. But with that headache yesterday morning, the fact that I've been limping around and my face looks pummeled because of a split lip...clearly things happened that I missed.
And Edward did tell me he saved me from Alec and his friends. What could've happened? Dad wouldn't answer me when I asked him what he knew. He said he needed to speak with Alec and Royce and I didn't have to worry about it.
Secrets. That's what we all thrive on these days...secrets.
"That's it. That's all there is. The next entry isn't until the beginning of July," Bella complains, defeated.
I sigh, shaking my head. "Shit. Well, you've gotta keep reading. Word for word, all the way up until you got engaged...hell, read every word until your final entry. Maybe somewhere along the way you'll get some more answers."
She's staring at me, so I know she's hearing me, but I don't know if she's listening. A few seconds later, her delayed nodding acknowledges my thought, and she goes back to reading aloud.
July 4, 2006
I caught Alec with Brooke last night. I was returning a purse I borrowed from Angela. She was down in her cabana and gave me the key to her penthouse. I let myself in, dropped the purse on her bed and as I was leaving her room I came face to face with a half-naked Alec walking out of Brooke's bedroom. I just stared at him blankly and shook my head. He opened his mouth to give me some excuse, but I told him to save it as I walked out.
What am I even doing? I guess everyone cheats. Edward cheated, well sorta, and he told me he loved me. My parents are married twenty years and I'm convinced my mother is screwing around. I just want to get out of here. Out of Ocean City. Maybe even out of NJ. Anna is always telling me about how lovely her home in New Mexico is. Maybe I'll go there someday. Get as far away from all of this shit as possible.
"I wish she was still around...Anna. I asked Aunt Didi about her years ago and she said Anna stopped working for our family right before Alec and I got engaged." Bella turns to me, still talking, "I wonder why."
I shrug, pinching my eyebrows. "I don't know. I never knew her very well. Just small talk here and there." I squeeze her hand and encourage her to keep going.
"Well, if this is the summer before I got engaged, maybe I wrote about her leaving." Bella actually sounds hopeful for the first time today. "Okay, back to reading."
July 19, 2006
Alec and his friends are SUCH assholes. Not like I didn't know this already, but tonight just solidified it for me. I was coming back to the cabana from the penthouse and Alec was harassing Edward-"
"No more cabana boy? That's promising," I laugh in the hopes I can make her smile.
Bella smirks and rolls her eyes. I'll take it.
Point, Cullen.
"As I was saying…" She clears her throat and continues.
...Alec was harassing Edward just outside the cabana. He actually shoved him down onto his knees. I just shook my head. I don't expect much better from Alec, who continues to be a sniveling creep. I approached Edward slowly as he was standing up. He looked me right in the eye, and I couldn't help but smile. I wanted him to know that he's a better man than Alec will ever be. I've been so wrong about him. Anyway, just as Edward was going to return my smile (I think...I hope), fucking Alec pushed him again, and Edward went flying into the pool. I closed my eyes in pain for a minute, and then walked away. Once I got to the cabana, I turned around to see Edward pick himself up out of the pool, soaking wet and humiliated in front of all the other hotel patrons. He glanced over at me quickly and all I could do was shake my head, wondering what the fuck I was doing still dating Alec. It's such a farce at this point. I've considered telling Dad that I want to break up with him. I know Royce is his friend...that we're all supposed to be friends...but I don't even want to be with him anymore...I haven't for a long time now.
"I don't get it. Why wasn't I honest with my Dad? I only ever remember us being close. If I had talked to him, I'm sure he would've understood. He would have only wanted my happiness." She shakes her head in total confusion. "This just doesn't make sense."
I really don't know what to say to her, so I just keep rubbing her shoulder as she puts her nose back in the journal and continues reading aloud.
August 1, 2006
I overheard Edward talking to Mike this morning. He's leaving...Edward's leaving his job at the end of the summer. Years ago he told me this was the best job on the planet to gain the experience he wanted and needed to be a success in the business. I've made his life so damn miserable, I suppose he just can't stand to be around me anymore. I know I've been awful to him. Seeing him with that girl a couple weeks after we broke up hurt me so much. I've done nothing but treat him like garbage since that moment. As much as I've tried to convince myself that he was the asshole who turned our relationship to crap, the real instigator was my mom...and my behavior for the last three years hasn't made anything easier. And yeah, I was hurt by what he did...but it still doesn't excuse me treating him like a slave and making sure I made him as uncomfortable as possible in every instance.
A feeling of satisfaction descends on me for the moment...at least back then she realized how awful she was to me, even if she didn't show it.
August 1, 2006 - 10:15pm
Anna pulled me aside today after I was bitchy to Edward for no reason at all. No reason except that he's leaving. And it feels like he's leaving me all over again. She said she was sick of me treating him so badly. I snapped back at her, telling her to mind her own business and the next thing I know, she's putting in her two weeks' notice with my mother. She's leaving me. Leaving my family. She's worked for us for the last eight years and my horrible behavior has sent her over the edge and she doesn't want to be around us, around me...anymore.
Out of all the people I should be kind to and keep as allies, I've pushed the most important ones away.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and things are spinning out of control.
"Do you remember that day?" Bella asks me, her voice quaking.
I pinch my eyes shut and rub my fingers along my brow. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
She looks at me with her gorgeous pools of chocolate mousse eyes, silently begging for me to give her what she dreads asking herself.
"You umm, you showed up at the pavilion early in the day looking for a replacement light bulb for a lamp in the cabana. I looked at you like you had three heads because on any other day, you would've either picked up the phone and called me to help you, or you would have just bellowed my name until I showed up at the door."
She twists her lips to the side of her mouth, attempting to swallow the disgust she's inevitably feeling, listening to me recount her typical behavior.
"Anyway...I have a feeling that's when you overheard me telling Mike I was leaving. Later that afternoon, you called me to bring a drink up to the penthouse for you. You didn't specify what you wanted, but that wasn't anything unusual; when you did that, it just meant you wanted me to bring you a Shirley Temple."
I chance a quick look at Bella, hoping she's still holding it together, and she gives me a curt nod.
"So, I brought you the drink and you completely flipped out, screaming at the top of your lungs about how I just assumed I'd know what you wanted. That I didn't know you at all. That it was selfish of me to think you'd want to drink the special concoction I'd dedicated to you all those years earlier. I didn't bother arguing with you. I'd learned my place after all our battles over the years. You were the queen and I was just a worker bee. I waited for you to finish and then asked what you wanted instead," I trail off softly when I see Bella close her eyes in slow motion as one big, fat tear spills over the edge and falls down the apple of her cheek.
I tug on Bella's hand until she gets the message and climbs onto my lap. I need her close, as close as we can possibly be while still clothed.
"I didn't know what you were going on about at the time, but now that we know you were starting to feel remorse...or dare I say...feelings for me creeping back into the picture...You were just hurt that I was planning to leave and not come back."
She nods, wiping her nose on a tissue she snatches from the box on the coffee table. "Is that why you left?" she hedges, "...because of me...the way I treated you?"
I compose my answer after a slight shrug. "Yes and no. I was ready to start my junior year of college and keep going straight through to finish my MBA. So that was the main reason," I pause to clear my throat. "But uhhh, if we're being completely honest here, I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't watch you with Alec knowing what he tried to do to you, what he was doing to you with Brooke...I was just...done."
She takes a couple of deep breaths and nods as a belated response to my actions of four years ago. "I'm gonna keep reading, okay?"
I give her a half-smile of encouragement.
August 15, 2006
Anna's last day of work was today. She gave me a hug as she was leaving and told me she would always love me, but she couldn't sit by and watch our family self-destruct. Before she left, she handed me a few pictures that she'd held onto since my Sweet Sixteen Ball. They were of me and my friends, but she took them because Edward was in them. She angled the camera to take a picture showing how Edward couldn't take his eyes off me. I started crying when she showed them to me. She said I couldn't keep my heart locked up forever. And I needed to give him a chance again, because he's the only one who holds the key. She told me that he'd find me again when I was ready to allow love back into my heart.
I want to believe her. But he hurt me so badly. But no more than what Alec has been doing to me for God-knows-how-long...and I've NEVER cared for Alec the way I loved...love Edward.
I love Edward.
The thought makes me scared and excited all at the same time. I'm almost eighteen years old. Pretty soon, even if my mom wanted to, she can't force me to do anything. Maybe if I talk to Edward I can attempt to repair the damage I've caused all these years.
I've got to make him listen to me. Time for some drastic changes.
I shake my head, looking off toward the back deck. I remember the moment Bella came up to me and her entire demeanor had done a one-eighty. I thought I was in the fucking Twilight Zone. For the first couple of days, she was sweet as candy to me, so much so that I honestly thought she was setting me up . Her behavior just made no sense when all I'd known...all she'd shown for three years were spite and obnoxiousness and intolerance.
"Can you tell me what happens next? Or at least your version." She sounds steady. Resolved. Ready to face the truth head on. I can tell her what I know, and then hopefully she'll be able to find something in the journal that explains why she did what she did...or didn't do.
"That night that you asked to meet me after I was finished work, the curiosity was killing me. Ever since you morphed into this sweet girl, practically overnight, I was totally confused. I couldn't NOT go. I had to see if you were for real. I knew I still had feelings for you, even if I tried to suppress them and go out with other girls to keep me busy."
She nods, looking for me to continue. "Anyway, we met on the beach at the lifeguard stand near 8th Street. You were already there waiting for me. Once I arrived, we sat down on a blanket and you just started apologizing over and over for your behavior...for everything you did. All the way back to the night you hooked up with Alec and purposely kissed him on the boardwalk in front of me. You said it was all because you were hurt and angry and wanted me to feel the same depth of pain. I just listened. You talked and cried for almost an hour before I said anything."
"Ultimately, I told you that even if I were to believe your apologies, and we forgave each other, it didn't change the fact that it was your mom who split us up in the beginning, and who's to say she wouldn't do it again if we even attempted to get back together?"
"So what did I do? How did I convince you to give us a try again?" Her tone is sweet, hopeful.
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| Wonderland Pier, Ocean City Boardwalk where Edward & Bella met those final ten days |
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| Sandaway Inn where Edward was living; now known as the Blue Water Inn, Ocean City, NJ |
"We only kissed as the week went on, nothing heavier than that. But when the weekend approached and your parents and the Kings were out of town on Friday night, you asked if I'd spend the night with you. I didn't know what your intentions were, but I certainly never planned for us to have sex."
Bella smiles shyly and kisses me softly on my neck. When she raises her head, I capture her lips with mine. I tug and lick and softly swirl my tongue with hers.
"I love you, Bella," I whisper, my voice thick with emotion.
She smiles and kisses me chastely again. "I know. Tell me what happened next," she pleads.
"We'd planned to just relax and watch TV together. No pressure. Just enjoy the night in the suite without interruptions from my job, your family or friends...just us. I brought you a single pink rose and a pizza that night."
"You did bring me a rose," she sighs in contentment, "That has to be the single dried out rose that I found in the lock box with all my other keepsakes."
I nod, smiling.
"We had a wonderful night together. We spent a lot of time talking. You still had to get through your senior year, but you considered asking your Aunt Didi if you could stay with her, in order to still attend your high school. If that didn't work, you were willing to be home-schooled. You just wanted to be away from your Mom. You loved your Dad so much, but you knew that his loyalty would be to your mom, so you just wanted to look out for yourself and try to mend fences with him after the fact.
"I told you all about my apartment in the city. You got excited about being with me and looked forward to meeting Jasper. You suggested taking classes at Penn eventually and maybe even joining their swim team. At that point, you had been undecided about where to attend college…plus you still didn't know what interested you as a career yet. But once we started talking and planning, your face lit up and you suddenly believed that anything was possible. It was like the thought of coming to live with me in Philly was breathing new life into you."
"We took our time loving each other that night. It was one of the best nights of my life. I was on top of the world. All of a sudden, I thought it was all falling into place for us."
Bella takes in a deep breath. "So what changed?'
I shake my head, only knowing my end of the story. "Umm, your parents came home the next day. I was long gone, so it wasn't like they caught us or anything. But...later that night when I asked if you could get away the following evening, so we could be together one more time before we all left Ocean City, you were very tight-lipped and said it was impossible. I tried not to overthink it. I figured maybe you just didn't want to risk anything until after your birthday. The next day was Labor Day, my final day of work and you guys were packing up to leave the next morning.
"You avoided me all day. Every time I tried to catch your eye to just give you a smile, or a wink...you'd look away. Once five o'clock arrived and I was leaving, I came to your cabana to say goodbye. I was hoping to sneak one last kiss that would tide us over for a couple weeks until you got to Philly. Instead, you acted distant and cold...rude, even. It was like the old Isabella was surfacing again. I tried to blow it off, but you barely wrapped your arms around me when I leaned in to hug you goodbye. And when I dipped down to try and sneak a kiss, you turned your lips, so I just caught the corner of your mouth."
I swear I remember our final conversation word for word.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah. Just tired. My parents had me packing all afternoon. Are you all set?"
"Yup. I'm officially no longer an employee of the Flanders. Ready to pursue bigger and better dreams." I smiled, widely.
She huffed and turned away.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye till after your birthday. But umm, call me later if you can, okay?"
"Yeah. Take care, Edward."
"Take care, Edward? Awfully formal, don'tcha think? Are you sure everything is okay?"
"It's fine. Travel safely back to Philadelphia. I'll uhhh... I'll call you."
I leaned in to give her one final kiss and she pulled away. "Don't. Someone might see."
"Oh." I nodded, "Okay...talk to you soon, pretty girl."
I shake myself free of the memory of the last time I held Bella...until she walked through my door two months ago and turned my life upside down...again.
"When I didn't hear back from you for several days, I called you but it went straight to voicemail. I'd wait a few days and call you again, but you never answered. I probably called four or five times and then just figured I'd wait, thinking maybe you were trying to fly under the radar until after your birthday when you could call me back, or even better, just show up at my door. So I waited. Your birthday came and I called you. Sang 'Happy Birthday' to your voicemail, told you I couldn't wait to hear from you, couldn't wait to hug and kiss you...but I got nothing."
I exhale loudly, remembering my frustration at the time. "I couldn't shake the feeling that something was really wrong, but I kept trying to talk myself out of it. I held onto the promises we'd made, lying in your bed after having sex...making love...whatever it was at the time. But every hour that passed after your birthday got me more and more nervous that something had happened to you...or that you'd lied to me and it was all an act. Nothing made sense.
"I called you every day for two weeks...I was beside myself. Eventually, I gave up and decided I'd drive to your house. I looked up your address online and found the directions on Mapquest. It was a Friday night after my classes ended. I had to see you to find out if you were okay...find out what was keeping you from calling me back. I thought Alec had you tied up somewhere."
Bella swallows tightly, staring at me...waiting for the punch line, I suppose.
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| VIP area of Denim Lounge, Philly, PA |
I feel Bella start to pull away but I tighten my hold so she can't escape. I don't want her to withdraw again after hearing what she put me through. She has to know... that was then and this is now...and NOW, we are fine.
"Staring at you was like a train wreck I couldn't look away from. You must have felt someone watching you, because you looked up and found me. Your eyes sparkled. We were probably fifteen feet away from each other. You didn't say a word, didn't blink, didn't look away. We just stared each other down for at least 20 seconds, but it felt like forever. One of my friends called my name and it snapped me out of my trance. I looked away for only a second, but when I came back to find your eyes, you were kissing Alec."
Bella's chin drops to her chest and I tip her into my shoulder. I knew this would slaughter her.
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| LOVE Fountain, JFK Plaza, Philadelphia, PA |
"Oh, Edward," she's drenching my chest with her tears. "Why are you even here with me right now?"
"Bella, stop it. Look at me." I force her to sit up and I cup her face in my hands. "It's. Over. It happened, and yeah, it hurt like hell, but it's over. I'm not thinking about it anymore, got it? You wanted me to tell you my version, and that's what happened. Please, PLEASE don't make me regret being honest with you."
She nods, tears relentlessly streaming.
"Come on. Let's read some more and see if you wrote about your version of how things ended. Here…" I pick the journal up and turn the page. "This is where we left off."
August 28, 2006
I think he's coming round. I convinced Edward to meet me on Friday night on the beach, and he did. I cried my eyes out, apologizing until I had no words left. He didn't say much, just listened and agreed to meet me again the next night. He's been living at the Sandaway Inn, he didn't say how long he's been there, though. Not that it matters, just...it's good we have someplace to go where nobody will be watching us. We meet at the Wonderland Park every night and then walk to his place.
We've spent the last few nights just talking. I don't know if it's doing any good. I've hurt and humiliated him repeatedly over the years. Words will only get me so far...I have to show him what he means to me.
I take a sip of my now-cool coffee as she moves onto the next entry.
September 2, 2006
Ahhhh! I'm squealing, I'm so giddy right now! I had SEX! I lost my virginity last night to Edward. It was...oh my God, it was amazing. His kisses were so passionate, they overwhelmed me. Then to feel his fingers down there, oh man. I was so slippery and wet, he kept groaning about that. I hope that meant it was a good thing. And then when he pushed his, you know, inside...HOLY CRAP I felt so full, there was a stretching and burning feeling, but the fact that we were so close to each other made any pain I had go away. I don't know if I had an orgasm. I don't even know what it feels like to have an orgasm...will I know it if I feel it? I was panting and making some noises last night...but I never screamed. Brooke says she always screams. I don't know. Maybe Edward can tell me if I had one. And if I didn't...well, I can't imagine the awesome feeling of having him inside me gets any better. But if it does, I look forward to those feelings again soon.
Maybe tonight? Mom and Dad are getting home in a couple of hours. Maybe I can get away for a while tonight after he finishes work.
She stops reading and leans over, planting a soft kiss on my lips. "That's for making my first time a dream come true. I know I meant it then, even if I didn't say it. And I want you to be reminded now. I love you. So much."
I smile in response to her sentiments and start tracing a calming pattern on her thigh. I get the feeling the journal entries are about to get ugly.
September 2, 2006 - 7:45pm
I don't know what to do. My mother is fucking psychotic. Horrible, awful, hateful...I don't even know how she can sleep at night. It wasn't bad enough what she did to Edward and me all those years ago, but now, she's gone too far.
She pulled me aside tonight after dinner and told me that she knows about me and Edward. I denied anything at first, but then she pulled out pictures. SHE ACTUALLY HAD PICTURES of us having sex! She said if I tried anything foolish, she was taking the evidence to the police and she'd have Edward arrested for statutory rape because I'm still underage.
I don't know what to do. I'm terrified to tell Edward. I'm worried he'll fly off the handle knowing he doesn't have to answer to her anymore, and it will only get him into more trouble because of this ridiculous rape thing.
I'm just not gonna tell him. I'm gonna wait it out until my birthday and then go ahead with the plans to be with him then. She can't turn him in once I'm eighteen, right?
I feel sick to my stomach. I wanted to be able to enjoy these last two days, even if I had to sneak around with Edward to do it...but now, I'm worried she's watching us like a hawk. Who am I kidding? She has cameras on me! She can see everything. I'm afraid to even call him on my cell.
God, my birthday can't come fast enough.
I let my head fall back on the couch after hearing the latest entry. Fucking pictures of us having sex. Statutory rape charges. Which would've been bogus anyway because she was seventeen. Poor Bella was so freaked out though, she had no clue that I couldn't get in trouble with the law at that point.
Mrs. Swan was nuts. Sick and fucking twisted, I swear. Why the hell did she hate me so much?
"I'm...I'm gonna keep going...'kay?" she hedges, clearly rattled by what she just read.
September 5, 2006
We left Ocean City today. Saying goodbye to Edward was awful. I had to fake my way through a hug and quickly turn my face so that he didn't kiss me. He has no idea we're being watched and he could get in so much trouble because of me...because of my mom. I don't want to ruin his life. He doesn't deserve that...doesn't deserve half the shit I put him through all these years.
Not being able to show him how much I feel for him just about killed me. I had to channel my inner-bitch and distance myself. He questioned me, but let it go. Now I just have to avoid him until my birthday and then I'm getting the fuck out of here to find him.
I swear, I think I could spend the rest of my life with that boy.
Without pausing, she continues reading aloud.
September 13, 2006
I feel like my world is crumbling around me. I've had to avoid Edward's calls and messages for the last two weeks for his own safety...and I know I'm hurting him in the process. He called me first thing this morning and sang Happy Birthday to me...his message made me cry. I just want to hug him and run away with him...get me away from all this insanity. But it's impossible.
My mom had another one of her psychotic heart-to-heart discussions with me again today. She told me that Alec is going to propose tonight and I am to say yes. When I told her there was no way, she dropped a bomb on me.
As if it wasn't bad enough that she threatened Edward with getting him arrested, now she's threatening Dad...and I can't stand the thought of him being hurt, too.
She said Daddy's money is all tied up in funds and Royce holds the power. She said Dad's made some horrible financial decisions and we're going to be broke; Dad could get thrown in jail for the rest of his life for illegal activity. She says the only way to ensure that Dad stays safe and out of jail, and allow us to still have access to money, is to tie our two families together forever, and I'm the key to making that happen.
She said horrible things about Dad and how he was stupid and careless and now we have to clean up his mess. She also admitted to sleeping with Royce, but only to keep tabs on the money and make sure Dad would stay safe. Ultimately, if I don't say yes to Alec, Royce is going to hang Dad out to dry and it will be all my fault. My mom is holding this over me, in conjunction with the photos of Edward and I together. I can't say a word to my Dad, I just have to go along with this farce of a relationship and marry into the King family to secure the money and power that they have and can restore to our family. If I disagree, or say it's unfair, my mom has promised that Edward will be arrested.
The kicker of all of this is that Mom said that I only have to be married for a year before the money will be accessible again, and our family's finances, and more importantly Daddy, will be in the clear.
I don't know what else to do. I can't let my Dad get hurt, go to jail...ugh! And Edward! My heart! My heart is breaking open that I can't go to him and tell him all this shit that's happening. I don't know if he'd be able to help, but it all just seems so outrageous, I feel like I'm living in a soap opera.
One year. A whole year without Edward. Without talking to him, hugging him, kissing him. He'll never understand. He'll never wait. Guys like Edward don't just stand by and let the world keep going without them. They pick up and move on.
Mom's got eyes on me, ears on me. I can't contact Edward. I just...I just have to let him go.
I'm never going to be able to celebrate my birthday again. I don't know if I'll ever be happy again. I've struggled for years to figure out who I am. Been a horrible person to so many around me, trying to act like I was above it all, when I know that's not me. I just want the love I felt with Edward all those years ago. That was the real me. I was happy. I was genuine. I wanted for nothing because my heart held all that it could.
I feel like someone has taken a knife and sliced open my vein. I'm slowly losing blood, I imagine that with time...time in this falsehood of a life...time away from Edward, the blood will continue to drain until my heart has nothing left to pump. The beating will cease. And I'll be a shell of a person...barely breathing, not even surviving. Just...existing.
All I can do is hope. Hope and wish and pray to all that is holy that somehow, after a year of marriage to Alec, I can walk out knowing my Dad is safe and hope that it's not too late to find Edward. To find the reason that my heart beats.
"Oh, my God. What a wretched woman she was. I swear, if she weren't dead, I'd probably strangle her right now," Bella whimpers, wiping new tears from her cheeks.
I just remain quiet even though I'm screaming on the inside. The pain and frustration feel like I'm burning from the inside of my gut.
Son. Of. A. BITCH!
We could've been together. Bella LOVED me! She WANTED me! Yet all this time I spent not knowing what really happened…thinking she was the devil incarnate for her callous attitude, and blatant disregard for my feelings, especially the night I saw her at the club.
And now I find out that she was only protecting me.
"GODDAMMIT!" I shout up at the ceiling, causing Bella to jump in my lap at my outburst.
This woman was going to try and have me arrested. She forced her daughter into a loveless marriage with a snake who was cheating on her at the time and probably until the day he died...and it was all about money and power.
And the fact that Mrs. Swan held it all over Bella's head saying that if she told Mr. Swan, I would be the one to pay the price. This woman was fucking certifiable.
All this time. All this fucking wasted time. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again.
"I'm so sorry Edward. What you must be thinking and feeling right now. I just…." She throws her arms around me and buries her face in my neck as she tries to take some calming breaths, forcing me to do the same. "I can't read anymore. Not today, anyway."
"Let me make you forget, Edward. Please..."
She starts kissing my neck and I allow my hand on her thigh to slide all the way up to her hip.
"C'mere," I gruff and pull her lips to mine, my tongue diving into her mouth.
Bella pulls herself from my embrace and tugs her skimpy sleep shorts down her long, lean legs.
"Tell me I'm yours. Show me that I wasn't ever supposed to be with anyone else," she pleads.
I can't deny that hearing the last few paragraphs from her journal wasn't infuriating. The power that Bella's mom was wielding. She was ruthless...she didn't care who she hurt, least of all, Bella. Forcing her daughter's hand, all in the name of power and money.
The anger that surges through me makes me quickly yank my sweats down my legs. I fall back onto the couch and grab her shoulders to bring Bella down with me. She's sitting on my lap facing outward as I attack her neck with rough kisses and palm her breasts through her tank top.
"Ahhh!" she cries, "Yes. Show me!" She's gasping as I continue to lavish her with wet, open-mouthed kisses and bites while pulling on her nipples and allowing my fingers to drift down to her pussy where I swipe to test the waters and discover that she's slick and ready for me.
"Nnngh, Bella. You're mine, you hear me?" I pull her tank top off abruptly, raise her body up to position my cock underneath, and she slams down on me, forcing us to grunt out in unison.
"Yes! Yours...only ever yourrrrrrs." I'm watching Bella's delectable ass rise and fall, my cock disappearing inside her and glistening with our mixed moisture every time she pulls up, just waiting for me to thrust back in.
"Oh my God, Bella." I'm forcing myself to grumble the words, even though I barely have enough breath to do so. Her walls clench and pull on me, creating the most fantastic friction. I kiss her spine...I stare at her back, in awe of the feelings she's stirring inside and run my hands around her front to tug on her nipples again.
She's bouncing and rolling faster and faster now, my hands holding tightly now back on her hips, guiding us toward our climax.
"Yes...fuck! Edward! Yesss!" I can feel her start to spasm around my dick and I quickly find her clit with my fingers and start rubbing furiously, egging on her release just as mine starts to build as well.
"That's it, Bella. Baby...God you look so fucking amazing on my lap...take it...take it all." I moan and spill inside her, her luscious hips still rocking and pumping up and down.
Once she stops, I pull her back onto my chest, both of us leaning into the couch. Our chests are heaving, exhausted. I'm kissing her shoulders and neck and cheek while she purrs, contentedly.
"Feel any better?" I ask, half joking and half dead-serious.
She chuckles in humor. "I do actually. I needed you to...I don't know...claim me or something. For me to know that you're the only one that ever counted...no matter who stood in our way...does that make sense?"
I nod, though she can't see me. "It does. And to be honest, I was feeling it, too. I had this crazy urge to prove that you were mine and I was yours and no matter what the universe did to try and keep us apart...they...it failed. And here we are." I punctuate my caveman statement with a kiss to her neck as she repeats, "Here we are".
"Come swim with me." She says, standing. "Just us...no suits, no journal, just the two of us and my big, wonderful backyard. Whaddayou say?"
I smile at her demand.
"Just us" sounds perfect. We don't have to be at my parents' house for several hours. We need some alone time after learning the truth about what went down all those years ago.
I need my girl and she needs me.
I guide my hand into her outstretched one. "Lead the way, baby."
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